Monday, 8 July 2013

Womens Relationship Advice

How to solve relationship problems with our "romantic week" plan
Day 1:
Leave a note professing your love for your partner to find during the day. Put the note where it will be found, easily.Try their briefcase, the driver's seat of their car, in their coat pocket, in their lunch bag, taped to the receiver of the phone, taped to their computer, or left taped to a doorknob.
As soon as you arrive home for the day seek out your partner and offer a big, loving kiss. Tell your partner how much you love him or her and ask about their day. Make this a new, daily habit.
As an alternate idea, when your partner arrives home for the day, take their hand and pull them towards you aggressively. Offer a huge hug, kiss and say, "I missed you today!”
Day 2:
While your partner showers, heat up his or her towel in the dryer.
Have flowers delivered to partner at work.
Surprise your partner by arriving home with their favorite drink, snack, or ice-cream.
Day 3:
Arrange for an intimate lunch date with your partner. Afterward, send a virtual card. Tell them how much you enjoyed lunch together.
Day 4:
Call your partner in the middle of the day to discuss your romantic plans for that evening.
Print out some love coupons (find them on-line) and present them to your partner.  One might say: this entitles loved one to a full-body massage, and sign your name.
Day 5:
For the kid in all of us!  Use multi-colored, sidewalk chalk to draw a BIG heart in red and write.  Print out the words, “I love you" in the middle of the heart.  Do this someplace that is prominent such as on your driveway so that when your partner comes home he or she will see it.
Cook a favorite meal for your partner and then eat it, slowly, by candlelight.
Day 6:
When the weather is best, take a brisk walk through a nature trail with your love and talk about all the reasons why
he or she is so special to you.
If the weather is dreary, have an indoor picnic. Spend the time together, inside enjoying your favorite board games and just relaxing and talking.
Cuddle up in your pj’s and relish a romantic movie together.
Day 7:
Just sleep in and cuddle together.Call into work and explain you are “under the weather” and need to rest a bit more before coming in.
Make a long list of the many reasons why you love your partner as you do and then have them framed and present it to him or her.
If you don’t live together, call your loved one just to say goodnight. Recite a favorite love poem over the phone and end with, “Sweet dreams, until we meet again!”

Useful Flirting Tips and Advice

Discover how to flirt to attract using body language and other tips

It is rather difficult to be romantic without first flirting. What exactly is flirting and how can you adapt some flirting into your own romantic moods and play? To begin, you don’t want to be too aggressive.Start with very friendly gestures and once you have gotten those moves down, and then go for the romantic flirting!
Flirting is a frame of mind:
Be self-confident and do not be afraid to take risks.
Be enthusiastic about romance and be positive!
Start a sexy conversation:
Start with a simple, opening line by saying hello.
Talk about anything at all, whatever will get the romance going.
Enjoy yourself and have fun:
Be playful, light-hearted and above all, be spontaneous.
Show that you can be vulnerable.
Make good use of all props:
Always use a prop.
Props will get the conversation started naturally. They encourage conversation and others will want to start talking to you.
Great props are: pets, children, great jewelry, a wonderful scent, a sweatshirt with your favorite sports team’s emblem, an interesting book or magazine.
Play host:
Take the lead by taking on the role of host.
Do not be the passive person in waiting, but rather the lead.
Introduce yourself first:
Move closer to the person you want to meet and introduce yourself confidently!
Listen-up:
Everyone loves to be heard and when you are a good listener your partner will be drawn to you.
Make bold eye contact:
Look your partner in the eye gently (no more than 2-4 seconds) and then look away. You don’t want to stare!
Pay a genuine compliment:
Your partner will be pleased and will warm up to you more.
Show a beautiful smile:
You will look so much more approachable. Everyone is attracted to a genuine and heartfelt, smile.
So there you go! These are all ground-breakers when wanting to approach someone with romance.We must always be mindful of the fundamentals.
When we just dive right in, unexpected, we can turn our loved one off.Go slow, a step at a time and feeling confident, approach with your best romance moves.

Lonely night alone feeling letter

Here night comes again
I meet a frozen sky, frozen clouds
Twinkling stars scattered in every sides of sight Crescent moon depict your sweet smile, remembering all the time we've had Hope it'll help me to through the lonely
Oh... All is going as should as
But I'm left alone enchained in silence
But some of them are too shallow to
understand my deep inside I've been almost insensible I've got to feel the chillness kills all nerves And brain likely stops to thinking
I can't evasive from a nightmare
Just praying
"God & angel please hold my soul until I find the dawn again"

Heart melting love letter

Never would I have imagined I would fall in love with someone at such a young age. I always believed love to be something built
M out of maturity and respect, not passion and lust.
Boy, was I ever wrong! Words can never express the way I felt, but I'll sure try. You made me quiver with every touch. My heart would beat with the music of your soul. I loved holding you, kissing you, just
being with you. You were everything I wanted,and not only someone I loved, but admired. If I
had one wish it would be to feel
the thrill of knowing I am the one for you, that out of all the people in the world, you chose me, I was the one you needed; your best friend. I am so lost without you. You are all I think about, and I simply cannot imagine life without you. There are days where I wish I never met you, but I know in my heart you were.sent to me for a reason, to teach me
the gift of love. If only I could figure out why I am without you now. I sometimes imagine you with someone else, in hopes it will help me move on, but one of the reasons I am so thankful to have met you, is because you have taught me hope, and made me fall in love with passion, faith, and love. I love the faith I have in us, even though I know it is slowly breaking me. I am a sincere, fun person, but after you I feel... worthless. I pray every night for you to come back, for you to touch me again. Every time I see you, I think, "Okay, get
one last look at his beautiful face and move on." I never do......

Small and impressive letter to show your love to your ex love

It has been about a year and
a half since seeing, hearing, and feeling you next to me. And you know that you are all that is important in my life. Though you made the decision of never acknowledging my existence in your life, I can never escape the pain and sorrow of the void you have left in my heart and soul. With each passing day, I die a little more and more....

Nine Points to Consider

What would someone living the Existential-Humanistic perspective be like?
1. You would explore what it means to exist and what it means for you to be human. Ask yourself who am I? What is my world?
2. You would value your unique subjective experience. Trust your own inward searching process  to discover and value who you are in the moment. When asking a question or confronting an issue, you would stay in silence for a moment and see what emerges.
3. You would balance the rational by being open to your intuitive self as well. Listen to the quieter voice we all have inside ourselves.
4. With compassion, you would be aware of the full spectrum of feelings and thoughts of which you are capable. Endeavor to experience and understand your feelings, rather than judging or excluding them.
5. You would embrace that we are all interconnected and that idea of an I-Thou relationship is an optimal way to relate to others. You would treat everyone in your life with reverence and respect, or as the saying goes, “If you see yourself in others, how can you cause anyone harm?”
6. You would intend to be more fully alive and vital. You seek out what uplifts you and enhances the quality of your life.
7. You would intend to live higher values of being human which include such values as Truth, Beauty and Justice. You could choose a value and have it be your mantra for a day or week.

8. You would believe we all have the capability to actualize in our lives more powerfully. What one small thing could you focus on today that would empower your future?
9. You would embrace the idea that human beings, if supported to be their authentic selves, will ultimately act in the best interests of themselves, of each other, of their community, and of the planet as a whole. You aspire to live with integrity in your thoughts, feelings, and actions.
To me, these ideals are exciting and enlivening points to consider. Integrating these ideals, although not always easy, supports the framework for a life well-lived.

How to Increase the Likelihood of Life-Changing Insights

Instead of waiting for Eureka moments, prep your mind and invite them in

So there it was again, an old pain coming back in full speed. Do you have one of these returning problems that come and visit you out of the blue like an old pal, except you want to smash the door right into him, saying, “No, you are not welcome here. I have given you enough attention. I’ve tried every psychological trick under the sun. I felt you. I observed you. I rethought, rebutted, reframed, understood, ignored, and made light of you. So: No! Get lost.” It’s not that poor manners ever worked for me. Quite the contrary. The more aggressively I tried to shut out my unwanted guest, the longer he ended up staying. He demanded attention, stating the obvious, “Resistance is futile”. There was nothing else to do but to deal with him, again and until further notice.
I know I am not alone. One of my friends put it this way, “I cannot believe I am still feeling so jealous. I thought I had dealt with it successfully. How old do I have to be to get rid of it?” Zen Buddhists would answer that it doesn’t matter what comes up in our mind, but how we relate to it. Content is less relevant than the inner peace with which we greet it. Maybe some part of our suffering is here to stay. Most psychologists concur that some problems are too big to heal and can only be managed well. The only ones claiming 100% success are either too young to know better or too eager to sell their product.
Wonderful. I am sure you feel encouraged by this news. Bad stuff for ever.
Except. Besides appreciating the healing that undoubtedly does take place with the right attention, besides reaping the many benefits of accepting darkness as part of life, there are breakthroughs, sudden shifts in consciousness, split-second insights that can change our lives to the better and for good. Epiphanies do happen. When a solution suddenly emerges in our awareness that feels like a perfect fit, when we finally understand something deeply or can see it in a new light, the problem dissolves completely. These insights are accidents of the mind, something we seem to stumble in and are taken by.* Usual feelings of having done something to deserve the dissolve are not there. It seems to have happened to us, as a matter of chance or grace.
The question is: do we have any control over the process of deep insights or must we simply wait? In psychology, problems that rely upon understanding the true nature of a situation are known as insight problems. Their solutions are not obvious, in part because we often use top-down processing which is analyzing the situation based on previous knowledge. It causes us to get hooked on the familiar which may be irrelevant to solving the problem.
Researchers believe that we can train ourselves to become unstuck and look at a problem in a fresh way. For example, Kounios et al. believe that it’s the right preparation to a problem that determines if we can solve it or not, just as Louis Pasteur suggested,
Chance favors only the prepared mind.”
One form of preparation is studying. Another is accessing “distinct brainstates,” which is what the researchers used in their study.** They used rather straightforward problems, such as presenting three words that the participants had to connect by finding one additional word, turning all three into compound words (e.g., apple turning pine, crab, sauce into pineapple, crabapple, applesauce). The study shows that neural activity in certain areas of the brain helped find the correct solutions. Somehow (and the “how” is not explained in this study), we need to get ourselves in an optimal state of mind for our Eureka moments.
It is also known that just walking away from a problem can facilitate “Aha!” experiences.* When we are tense, we tend to overuse our verbal, analytical mind (left hemisphere) while creativity is suppressed (right hemisphere). As you may have noticed, a word on the tip of your tongue comes to you when you relax your effort. Relaxation is a big ingredient to mind shifts.
So, what does this all mean to you and me? Let’s go back to my reoccurring pain which was really about somebody who is caring and present-minded one day and self-centered and shut-down the next. Upon hearing me out, a good friend of mine asked me a bunch of questions, one of them I had never pondered. She asked, “Is it possible for you to enjoy his company like a roller coaster ride which you know will end?” I was taken by surprise. Possibilities revealed themselves. Anticipating clearly the inevitable end, I might be able to let go of the greatest fun on earth, human connection. This was my epiphany. It was the last time I was visited by that particular pain.
Come to think of it now, these years of dealing with my old pal in so many ways were not lost years. Because of the complexity of the problem –I am sure you appreciate that I haven’t shared the whole story- understanding its true nature took time. Practicing Zen, I had also learned a great deal about letting go with meditation Indeed, I had thoroughly prepared myself until that point. Finally and right after relaxing my mind with a wonderful friend “hearing me out”, I was ready for a new question. I was ready for being changed in a split-second.

Secret Teaching From World's Greatest Unrecognized Genius

Do you recognize this child?

He grew up to be the greatest unrecognized genius in the world. And his teachings, which are not widely known, can indeed utterly transform your life for the better. Immeasurably for the better.


The odds are good that you have heard of the man this boy eventually became. Here is a picture of him in later years:
No, this is not a bad joke and I am not trying to be funny. And I do believe that Einstein is the world’s greatest unrecognized genius.

You probably know about Einstein because of his scientific achievements – formulation of the Theory of Relativity, discovery of the photo-electric effect and so on. These were stupendous achievements but they were complex and beyond the understanding of most. I had a difficult time getting my arms around Einstein’s work even when I was a physics major at one of the top universities in India.

Great as it is, Einstein’s scientific work will not change your life directly.

What is not widely known is the Einstein also had a deep understanding of the philosophical underpinnings of the universe. And what he knew about this CAN directly affect YOUR life. In fact, it can improve it beyond measure.

One of Einstein’s profoundest sayings is, “The most important decision you will ever make is ‘Is the Universe friendly?’”

Our relationship with the Universe: There are some who believe that the Universe is unfriendly. These are the type of persons who believe that the highway senses that you are driving to an important meeting and deliberately causes a traffic jam.

They are few in number.

The majority of us, the vast majority, believe that the Universe is indifferent to us and may not even know we exist. Some of the time the Universe acts in a fashion that benefits us and some of the time it frustrates us. Which way it behaves is random and unpredictable.

But what if the Universe was friendly? If the Universe is friendly, then it is indeed aware of us and works to help us. So there are no ‘unfortunate accidents’ and everything that happens is orchestrated in an elaborate and complicated manner to be of benefit to us.

Think of the Universe as a benevolent parent. A child may want a tub of ice-cream and marshmallows but a wise parent will give it fruits and vegetables instead. That is not what the child WANTS, but it is what the child NEEDS.

In exactly the same way we have a laundry list of wants but what the universe provides us is something else entirely. But just suppose what we get is exactly what we need for our growth and development? Simply pausing to consider this makes a big difference to the way in which we react to life events.

Say you thought you would get promoted but, instead, you were fired from your job. A ‘normal’ reaction would be to get angry and then frustrated and resentful. Fear and anxiety would creep in later as you wonder when you will get a new job and how you will like it and how much it would pay and what your prospects for advancement will be.

But suppose you really believed that the Universe was ‘friendly’? Friends don’t harm friends, right? So your losing your job was somehow in your best interest. How so? You don’t know but you seek to find out. Is this your opportunity to become entrepreneurial and start the company you always dreamed about? Is this the right time to seek out a smaller company with greater growth prospects and equity participation?

Notice that your frame of mind as you explore is completely different and may even be upbeat.

Or say your spouse tells you that she intends to file for a divorce. A ‘normal’ reaction would be to force a confrontation, vent feelings of betrayal and hurt in an angry exchange, perhaps plead desperately for her to stay or hire a pitbull of a lawyer to wear her down and give her nothing. None of these leave you feeling particularly good.

But again, what if the Universe was friendly? In that case, this is an early warning sign. What can you learn and what should you do? Again, you don’t know but you start searching. Have you been a good husband? In what ways have you let her down emotionally and can you start making amends immediately? Or perhaps you have grown in different directions and this is a logical end that will be good for both of you. In what ways can you make this a smooth parting for both of you and how can you support her in what will be a painful re-adjustment even if she was the one who wanted out.

Notice, once again, that your frame of mind is completely different and much more positive.

And here is the kicker, once you start exploring with the underlying thought being that whatever happened to you, in some unknown fashion, was perhaps ‘good’ for you, lots of evidence shows up that you were ‘correct’ in your assessment. And, in fact, you will look back years later and classify the event as one of the ‘good’ things in your life.

What about the really horrific things that happen or could happen? Things like serious illness, death of a child and so on? How could a ‘friendly’ universe let such things come into your life? The answer is you don’t know. And you never know. But if you believe the Universe is friendly, then you don’t go to pieces when tragedy strikes and eventually extract some meaning. Thus, a mother who lost her child in an accident involving a drunk driver started Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD).

Notice that, even if the Universe were indifferent to you and unaware of your existence, your life would improve tremendously if you believed the Universe was ‘friendly’.

It is indeed possible to change your view of the universe from indifferent to friendly. I have helped thousands of persons make this transition in my workshops.

And it helps is that no less a person than Einstein saw that this is the most important decision you will ever make.

The Art of Surrender

As I recently shared, there is nothing like a baby to give you some perspective on life. Waiting for his arrival has been an incredibly surreal experience; it’s been fascinating to see my husband and me vacillating between ‘forgetting’ that our son will soon be joining us as we go about our daily routines, and the realization crashing around us that those routines—and our entire lives—are forever about to alter.
Change, as we all know, can be a tremendous challenge. Whether physical, emotional, intellectual, or circumstantial, the ground of ‘normal’ shifting beneath our feet causes an upheaval in our instinctive tendency and desire to keep things the same. This is particularly so when that change takes place across all four categories.
And when it does, surrender is the only practical option. 
Not that I can take credit for having surrendered to what is to come. Rather, my total and complete acceptance has come about only because the impending shifts are so enormous that to struggle against them would be impossible. After all, there’s no point resisting the towering wave heading directly your way; better instead to accept—and even embrace—its envelopment.
The majority of us have experienced circumstances like this. Yet unfortunately, they very often accompany a tragedy, which means we’re rarely in a position to acknowledge and appreciate the wisdom in radical change-induced surrender. The losing of a job, the passing of a loved one, economic catastrophe… it is hard to see, much less welcome the opportunity of surrender when pain is present.
Yet opportunity is indeed present.  For when we are able to move from resistance to surrender—of either positive or negative experiences and circumstances—we lose neither control nor ourselves. Rather, we are given the clarity and tools that enable us to manage those changes powerfully, regardless of how radical or even traumatic they may be.
For me, whether it’s thinking about the physical experience of giving birth or welcoming this precious little person into the world for whom John and I are wholly responsible, surrender has granted me the most exquisite sense of freedom and peace. Instead of trying to mentally manage the unknown, I’m left only with a sense of wonder, curiosity, and excitement about the new journey that awaits me and my family. 
The same opportunity is available to all of us. We need not wait for monumental changes to realize the power we have to handle whatever comes our way. Instead, we can choose to cultivate the practice of surrender in the face of any and every circumstance, which always leads to a greater sense of aliveness, peace, and joy. 

What Really Makes You Happy?

In all areas of my life, my greatest happiness is a product of an oxymoron.  I love, love, love serious play, rigorous fooling around, tight looseness, focused diffusion. 
Like another oxymoron, “Jumbo shrimp” my greatest happiness makes sense if you think about the two words operating at different levels. Jumbo shrimp is about shrimp; within it,  the jumbo variety. When I say I love serious play, I mean that I love play within something I’m serious about, whether it be a vocation, or avocation, a relationship or in my case questions that dogs me delightfully.
In a way, serious play is just another name for the very popular psych concept of “flow,” a known and reliable source of joy and mojo for many, so the research shows.
Avocationally, I’ve got a few such narrowly focused playgrounds. I play jazz and lately I’ve taken up ecstatic dance, which is all the rage here in the Bay Area and beyond. With both, I get a rigorously constructed playground defined by tight, constraints—do’s and don’ts that become the rules of the game. 
The game is to play flexibly and freely within those constraints. In music, for example, not everything goes. Some sounds are clearly better than others. A scale, chord or rhythmic groove expresses a mood by constraining options, leaving out things that sound off within context. To improvise within a scale’s rigorous standards is serious play, serious about the limits (for example the “avoid notes” in a scale, but free within the limits to explore like a child at play. Likewise dancing. Not everything is permitted on the dance floor or within any dance style. The goal is to play freely within the dance’s rigorous constraints. To play is to make a commitment to a game’s constraints, to enter the established confines, but feeling and acting unconfined within them.
Relationships are likewise opportunities for play within constraints. You’re serious about the relationship, while exploring the ways to express yourself within it. You depend upon each other and therefore work within the constraints of each other’s standards, while improvising and feeling free within it.
Recently I came to picture the ideal romantic relationship as harkening back to being buddies as little children, an image that came to me triangulated from this famous photo and a Nietzsche quote: “A person's maturity consists in having found again the seriousness one had as a child at play.”

I love the way the woods frame these two tikes, constraining them along a path and yet with the openness ahead that rivets their forward-leaning playful attention.
In my lucky case, my vocation is my life-size questions. On the back of my business card I list (in very small print) six questions that should keep me busy ‘til the end of my days:
  1. Emergence:  What distinguishes life from non-life and how did life start?
  2. Doubt:  How do and should living beings deal with tough judgment calls?
  3. Listenomics:  How do and should we decide whom to heed, hear, ignore and fight?
  4. Expectation management:  How do and should we decide where to invest and divest effort especially given that at death we must divest all effort?
  5. Ethical don’ts:  To maximize play within the confines of decency what are those confines?  (ethics defined by constraints of the game, objective standards for avoiding being a butthead, so to get beyond merely subjective standards the question becomes “what is a butthead other than someone you butt heads with?”).
  6. Love and economics:  What is the natural history of value and love, and how can we accurately integrate value in life to value in economics?
  7. I’ve been playing with these six a long time, and as I play I come to reliable hunches that become new constraints, answers or at least assumptions I’m going with as I build playfully beyond them.  Each answer breeds new questions, which is what makes the overarching question life-size. 

    Lucky me, I’ve got relationships with people who share these questions and most of the assumptions I’ve come to hold. For nearly 20 years now, I’ve been part of a very rigorously playful research team dealing with the first of these questions--what is life and how did it start? It’s fun because having arrived at common constraints we don’t spend a lot of time debating them. We get to be playfully dogged exploring within the context of the constraints, celebrating diversity of opinion like little tikes, but within our narrowed path of assumptions.
    “To affinity and beyond” I call it, our affinities about the constraints freeing us to explore playfully beyond to the always-next questions, a joy so important to me that I’ve put it to verse:

    A.N.D. (Always Next Dilemma)

    After finding solutions that fit
    I like to kick back and just sit
       On my laurels but then a
       Resulting dilemma
    Proves questions in life just don’t quit.
    The Tao says, ““When people see some things as beautiful, other things become ugly; when people see some things as good, other things become bad.”
    This is often interpreted as meaning you should stop seeing things one way or the other, but I don’t buy that we could or should stop. Playing “avoid” notes really does sound bad or ugly.  We can’t help but have such constraints, nor would we want to. Still, the quote explains a lot about human conflict.
    As much as I see as beautiful my “Affinity and beyond” relationships I see as ugly dis-affinity, especially when someone else’s idea of rigor blocks the places where I’ve decided to play, or when someone wants to play where my idea of rigor bars it.
    You know the feeling, the frustration when someone isn’t serious enough about what you’re serious about, or someone is too serious about what you want to play with.
    Sometimes, like a dog looking to play with another dog, I’ll do the human equivalent of bowing low and wagging my tail, asking a question to see if I can spark some collaborative curiosity. Often it works but sometimes the person I ask misinterprets it as an invitation to get Papal, to tell me how the world works as though I were interviewing a great and eminent expert on everything true.
    Playing expert is certainly fun. I’m sure I indulge people’s patience sometimes by going papal on them.  I understand the impulse and still, after enduring a respectful amount of preaching and still seeking potential for rigorous play, I’ll try to find openings for a true affinity and beyond interaction.
    Lately I’ve tried a new approach to getting beyond people’s papal decrees. I ask “so where are your remaining questions? What do you still wonder about now that you’ve got those answers?”
    Sometimes they can’t tell me because they don’t seem to really have any remaining questions, or they decide I’m trying to attack them--no room for serious play at least with questions. But sometimes they share questions I can relate to, and we can find room for the serious play I love.

Can Creativity Be Boosted?

Most highly creative people are not crazy and they solve the practical problems of life much better than people who are mentally ill can. Yet, there is an overlap in sensibility between what English poet Alexander Pope called “great wits” and madness.
One key link between creativity and mental illness is the loosening of associations that is a symptom ofschizophrenia and also permits creative people to make unusual connections. That shared sensibility may well reflect the stressful formative experiences that make people creative but also expose them to an increased risk of mental illness.
This raises the question of whether it is really possible to increase creativity substantially without exposing children to childhoods that make them crack up.
How to increase creativity
Possible techniques for boosting creativity range from the harmless but ineffectual to the effective but harmful.
Creativity workshops can break down inhibitions such as getting a person who has not painted since elementary school to put brush to canvas. Still, no creativity workshop is going to transform Joe Six Pack into Vincent Van Gogh.
Apart from genetics, the main cause of exceptional creativity is a challenging childhood although the child must be sufficiently sensitive for this to make a difference.
Charles Dickens is perhaps the perfect example of childhood stress and uncertainty, repeatedly losing his home and having to visit his father in debtor’s prison. Even William Shakespeare who belonged to an affluent, well-connected family, suffered from political persecution, lost relatives in politically motivated executions, and occasionally lived under cover according to historian Michael Wood’s TV documentary..
The key ingredients of childhood for creative people are uncertainty and a sense of not quite fitting in with the surrounding community. Young artists must constantly struggle to make sense of their world and that effort helps them to appreciate other people’s experiences.
Creativity and otherness
Biographically speaking, creative people have a foot in two camps. In the U.S., for example, immigrants are seven times more likely to excel in creative fields compared to individuals whose families have lived here for generations (1). Artists also tend to have a foot in either gender camp. That is why people who score high on androgyny also score highly on tests of creativity (2).
Why do immigrants have such a creative advantage? Evidently they become skilled at seeing the same event as having opposite connotations. An ethnic joke that ridicules one’s ancestry is simultaneously amusing and painful, for example. If a person associates opposites in this way, they are very good at dredging up a large number of unusual mental associations which increases artistic productivity and complexity. This is called “divergent thinking.” It is what tests of creativity measure.
If you raise a child in a comfortable home, they are likely to be intelligent, successful, and happy, but to lack creative drive (3). In Terman’s classic study of intellectually gifted children, many from affluent homes, for example, not one achieved prominence in any creative field.
If you wanted to make children unusually creative, you would have to provide anenvironment that jolted them out of their comfort zone, forcing them to see life differently from others
It is entirely admirable that some people can transform their difficult early experiences into works of artistic achievement that inspire others. Yet, when you realize what kind of childhood generates creativity, it is hardly something to be promoted.

What Is Love?

Love is inherently free. It cannot be bought, sold, or traded.

Love is a force of nature. However much we may want to, we can not command, demand, or disappear love, any more than we can command the moon and the stars and the wind and the rain to come and go according to our whims. We may have some limited ability to change the weather, but we do so at the risk of upsetting an ecological balance we don't fully understand. Similarly, we can stage a seduction or mount a courtship, but the result is more likely to be infatuation, or two illusions dancing together, than love.

Love is bigger than you are. You can invite love, but you cannot dictate how, when, and where love expresses itself. You can choose to surrender to love, or not, but in the end love strikes like lightening, unpredictable and irrefutable. You can even find yourself loving people you don't like at all. Love does not come with conditions, stipulations, addendums, or codes. Like the sun, love radiates independently of our fears and desires.


Love is inherently free. It cannot be bought, sold, or traded. You cannot make someone love you, nor can you prevent it, for any amount of money. Love cannot be imprisoned nor can it be legislated. Love is not a substance, not a commodity, nor even a marketable power source. Love has no territory, no borders, no quantifiable mass or energy output.
One can buy sex partners and even marriage partners. Marriage is a matter for the law, for rules and courts and property rights. In the past the marriage price, or dowry, and in the present alimony and the pre-nuptial agreement, make it clear that marriage is all about contracts. But as we all know, marriages, whether arranged or not, may have little enough to do with love.
Sexual stimulation and gratification, whether by way of fingers, mouths, objects, fantasy play, whips and chains, or just plain intercourse, can certainly be bought and sold, not to mention used to sell other things. Whether sex should be for sale is another question entirely, but love itself can not be sold.
One can buy loyalty, companionship, attention, perhaps even compassion, but love itself cannot be bought. An orgasm can be bought, but love cannot. It comes, or not, by grace, of its own will and in its own timing, subject to no human's planning.
Love cannot be turned on as a reward. It cannot be turned off as apunishment. Only something else pretending to be love can be used as a lure, as a hook, for bait and switch, imitated, insinuated, but the real deal can never be delivered if it doesn't spring freely from the heart.
This doesn't mean that love allows destructive and abusive behaviors to go unchecked. Love speaks out for justice and protests when harm is being done. Love points out the consequences of hurting oneself or others. Love allows room for anger, grief, or pain to be expressed and released. But love does not threaten to withhold itself if it doesn't get what it wants. Love does not say, directly or indirectly, "If you are a bad boy, Mommy won't love you any more." Love does not say, "Daddy's little girl doesn't do that." Love does not say, "If you want to be loved you must be nice, or do what I want, or never love anyone else, or promise you'll never leave me."
Love cares what becomes of you because love knows that we are all interconnected. Love is inherently compassionate and empathic. Love knows that the "other" is also oneself. This is the true nature of love and love itself can not be manipulated or restrained. Love honors the sovereignty of each soul. Love is its own law.

CDSe-Combined Defence Services

The "Combined Defence Services" Examination is conducted twice a year by the Union Public Service Commission for recruitment into the Indian Military Academy, Officers Training Academy, Naval Academy and Air Force Academy.

Eligibility Criteria

  • For Indian Military Academy/Officers' Training Academy: Degree from a recognized university or equivalent
  • For Naval Academy: B.Sc. with Physics & Mathematics or Bachelor of Engineering
  • For Air Force Academy: Degree of a recognized University with Physics and Mathematics at 10+2 level or Bachelor of Engineering

Age Limit

Indian Military Academy19-24 years
Air Force Academy19-23 years
Naval Academy19-22 years
Officers’ Training Academy19-25 years (not before 2 June)

Scheme of Examination

Indian Military Academy / Naval Academy / Air Force Academy

All the papers are of objective type.
SubjectMarks
English100
General Knowledge100
Elementary Mathematics100
Total300

Officers' Training Academy

All the papers are of objective type.
SubjectMarks
English100
General Knowledge100
Total200
Candidates successful in the written exam are then called for an interview by a Services Selection Board which evaluates a candidate's suitability for a career in the Indian Armed Forces. The SSB interview lasts for approximately a week, during which a candidate undergoes various physical and psychological tests to ascertain whether or not he is officer material. Candidates cleared by the SSB are finally admitted into the above mentioned academies, and after successful completion of training, they are inducted into the armed forces.

Why did the Universe start off with Hydrogen, Helium, and not much else?


At that time, the Universe was made out of about 92% hydrogen atoms and 8% helium atoms by number (or about 75-76% hydrogen and 24-25% helium by mass), with trace amounts of lithium and beryllium, but not much else. But you might wonder how it got to have exactly that ratio? After all, it didn’t have to be that way; if the Universe was hot and dense enough to undergo nuclear fusion early on, why did it only fuse atoms up to helium, and why didn’t more of the Universe become helium than it did?

Eldest Children are Smarter: A Study in Effect Sizes

The story about two weeks ago that eldest children have a significantly higher IQ was really big news, but I didn’t have time to talk about it then. Now, that I have had time to look at the articles about it, I think that some statement about what the word “significant” means is in order.
The NYTimes reported:
The eldest children in families tend to develop higher I.Q.’s than their siblings, researchers are reporting today, in a large study that could settle more than a half-century of scientific debate about the relationship between I.Q. and birth order.
The average difference in I.Q. was slight — three points higher in the eldest child than in the closest sibling — but significant, the researchers said. And they said the results made it clear that it was due to family dynamics, not to biological factors like prenatal environment.
Researchers have long had evidence that firstborns tended to be more dutiful and cautious than their siblings, and some previous studies found significant I.Q. differences. But critics said those reports were not conclusive, because they did not take into account the vast differences in upbringing among families.
Three points on an I.Q. test may not sound like much. But experts say it can be a tipping point for some people — the difference between a high B average and a low A, for instance. That, in turn, can have a cumulative effect that could mean the difference between admission to an elite private liberal-arts college and a less exclusive public one. (Emphasis mine.)
The studies cited in the NYTimes article are here and here.
Now just to be clear, I do not object to the findings of this study. I am not qualified to judge their methods, so if they say that they found a statistically significant difference of 3 IQ points then I can buy that.
However, there is a huge difference between statistically significant and practically significant, and this is the source of my objection — particularly the last sentence in the quote above.
The suggestion that 3 IQ points will have practical significance to someone’s grades and hence their admission to college is tripe of the highest order.
Here is the evidence, taken from Gutman et al. 2003. They performed a risk assessment, an IQ test, and a psychiatric exam on children aged four and then followed these children throughout their school lives. They wanted to determine what effect of negative factors — risk factors such as disadvantaged minority status, low education, low occupational status, large family size, father absence, multiple negative life events, rigid parenting values, maternal anxiety, maternal mental illness, and poor parent-child interaction style — and positive factors — such as preschool intelligence and good mental health — would be on later academic performance.
They then ranked the children according to preschool intelligence in high and low risk categories to determine their average GPAs (the measure of academic performace). That data is below:
i-c10fac41418724e2b53875614068e1fd-gradesiq.jpg
As you can see, IQ does increase GPA for both the low and high risk groups. However, look at the size of the effect. The difference between the low and high IQ group is 2 standard deviations, and IQ scores are normalized so that the standard deviation is 15 points. So there is a 30 IQ point average difference between the groups. The difference in GPA between the low and the high group is about .6 for low risk group and about .2 for the high risk group. Thus, by my calculations each additional IQ point would then contribute .02 to the low risk group and .006 to the high risk group — an absolutely minuscule amount.
Now you can argue that IQ is not stable across the lifetime. (They are relatively but not absolutely stable over the lifetime, and the study that looked at the subject tested 11 year olds as opposed to 4 year olds.) You could also argue that the population presented in Gutman et al. overemphasized risk factors — which is something they admit — and hence overemphasize the role of risk factors in academic achievement.
However, I choose to interpret this data as suggesting that while large changes in IQ may have practically significant effects on academic performance, a change in 3 IQ points certainly does not.
This gets to my point. What makes me nuts about studies like this is that they confuse statistical significance with practical significance. Statistically, 3 IQ points may indeed be significant, but will it tell you anything about any particular set of siblings? No.
Here is my test for practical significance… If I am walking down the street and see someone, I have a limited amount of information about them. From that limited information, I am forced to draw conclusions. Would knowing that they are the eldest sibling let me infer that they are smart? No. Would knowing that they are the eldest sibling even let me infer that they are smarter than their younger siblings? On average yes, but average isn’t really going to help me here. The distributions of intelligence between the eldest and their younger siblings overlap so substantially that no reasonable statement can be made about a random person met on the street.
This is the same reason why racism and sexism are useless. (We will put aside the moral issues.) They are useless because race and gender are not good proxies by which I could infer meaningful statements about particular individuals; therefore, I should not base my behavior towards them on those statements. Prejudice is not only ethically wrong; it is patently illogical.
What distresses me about how this study was presented is not that it is wrong. It is correct. It is all the cocktail party banter and pop-psychology that will result from it — assumptions about other people’s intelligence based on irrelevant traits — that disturb me. It is all the assumptions that parents will make about their children that are completely unwarranted by the facts. These falsities have a cost, and that cost is results from the failure to delineate practical from statistical significance.